


Hard Earned Advice For Cadets of Starfleet Academy

by haitchem



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-05
Updated: 2013-01-05
Packaged: 2017-11-23 18:33:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 430
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/625315
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/haitchem/pseuds/haitchem
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>An anonymous entry on the Starfleet Academy student message board under “Unofficial Survival Guide for Cadets”</p>
    </blockquote>





	Hard Earned Advice For Cadets of Starfleet Academy

**Author's Note:**

> An anonymous entry on the Starfleet Academy student message board under “Unofficial Survival Guide for Cadets”

\---- Hard Earned Advice For Cadets of Starfleet Academy ---- 

1\. Limit terms of a judgmental nature in all situations, you don’t know the culture of the person you are criticizing. Example, Cadet Kirk is not a ‘gonad driven man slut’, he is a ‘sex positive individual’. 

2\. As sexual behavior is both biologically and culturally driven, the way to your desired partner’s acceptance will be potentially complicated. Be wary of senior cadets giving ‘advice’ regarding approaching another cadet for relations of an intimate nature. Example, Human females do not ‘keep furry animals in their pants to keep their groins warm’ therefore it is not appropriate to ask to ‘pat their tribble’. 

3\. Beware of terms in Standard meaning something quite different in translation. Example, Do not call the Irdesh cadets ‘special snowflakes’ on a dare unless you want to spend hours in the infirmary after being dropped from their anti grav units over the side of a building ‘to see if you shatter or splatter’. 

4\. In a related matter, if you are being disciplined for an infraction, it is not appropriate to offer to sacrifice another cadet for forgiveness. Example, Tying Cadet Kirk to a pylon and giving the plasma engineering professor a heavy resonance spanner will not alleviate the punishment coming to you for believing Cadet Kirk when he promised that ‘no one will know, seriously, will you lighten up?’ 

5\. Vulcan’s do not lie. Neither do they joke. Example, When Commander Spock tells you that misuse of a teaching tool for its vibrational properties will cause ‘your genitals to shrivel and fall off if medical attention is not immediately sought’….believe him. Then see point 4 above.

6\. Cultivate a group of friends that will mutually support each other during times of distress or discomfort. Example, knowing a medical officer who is liberal in his application of both sobriety medications and injury masking skills can be the difference between passing your classes and experiencing point 4. 

7\. Do not let exasperating actions blind you to other virtues. Judgments of character traits are always best made knowing the context. Behavior that is unacceptable in one situation is admirable in another. Example, the refusal to accept a no-win scenario is worth an academic reprimand in one context and a medal and command post in another. 

 

\---- Hard Earned Advice For Graduates of Starfleet Academy ---- 

Don’t go drinking with James T Kirk unless you have bail money, knowledge of local trauma centres and a willingness to risk your commission for a drink that looks like iridescent sludge topped with a paper umbrella.


End file.
